


Dedicated to You

by keygasmic



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15557415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keygasmic/pseuds/keygasmic
Summary: I remember back to when we were happy, when our love was young. I remember when we thought the world was just us. I miss it. I miss you.





	Dedicated to You

**Author's Note:**

> Song fic originally posted 06/11/2008 to old LJ account

Dedicated to you   
  
_Your eyes are the first mirror of my existence.  
I see the reflection of my youth.  
I want to be that again for you._  
  
I miss you. I miss the random hugs, the random (but not unwelcome) kisses. I miss you.  
  
I remember back to when we were happy, when our love was young. I remember when we thought the world was just us. I miss it. I miss you.  
  
 _Remember the winter where  
Both time and our hands froze?  
The snowman we made together…  
I want to hear the bells we heard in the cold wind.  
The times I held your hands to keep them warm.  
Your eyes,  
Your hands,_  
  
I ran after you, tripped and landed face first in the snow. The first snow of the season. I lifted my head to see you on your knees, bent over and wheezing with laughter. I smiled and crawled over to you. My grin not faltering until I reached you and heard the horrible cough, barking from your throat.  
  
Your face was flushed red as you tried your best to tame it. You would for the barest of seconds, before breaking out into a new cough all together. I watched you worried, my hands holding yours tightly.  
  
I could hear bells far in the distance, Eeteuk calling us back in. I tugged on your hands beckoning you to get to your feet and follow me. When you looked up to me , your eyes were the same deep brown that I always remembered, but they were glazed, a small tear escaping as you tried your best not to choke.   
  
I pulled you to your feet and against my chest, your head burying into the crook of my neck. Eventually the cough subsided and your violent shaking drew to nothing.   
  
You were sick. I could clearly see it, but you being you didn’t want to admit it. I knew you well enough to know. “How long?” I asked my voice barely above a whisper.  
  
You shook your head, looking away from me. I gripped your hands tighter. “Tell me.”   
  
You shook your head again, “please…can…can we just go inside?” I couldn’t say no, so I just helped you inside the warm house and watched as you peeled out of your jacket. I opened my mouth to speak, but you just turned away, walking farther into the apartment.   
  
_I want to look into your eyes forever and hold onto your hands.  
I already want to turn back time._  
  
The days grew into weeks and the weeks into months, until you couldn’t deny it anymore, you were sick and it was starting to show. You were getting weaker, simple things like eating and walking were getting to you.   
  
I watched helplessly from the sidelines as you wilted away in your own denial.   
  
“Please…let me help you?” I begged, holding onto your hand.  
  
You yanked it away, “I don’t need help!” I crumbled just that little bit more inside.  
  
 _Sometimes I want to touch time and grasp it in my hands,  
So that you can be with me, _  
  
Your cough was getting worse. You were getting paler and weaker. I begged you to go to the doctor, but you being stubborn and all refused, trying to convince me you were fine. Though, the more I asked, the more I began to think you were trying to convince yourself more than me.   
  
  
You collapsed. Right in the middle of the kitchen, Hangeng was talking to you when you began to feel faint. Before any of us could comprehend what was happening, you dropped, you body thudding loudly on the tiled floor. I rushed to your side and rested your head in my lap.  
  
Your eyes fluttered open and shut and your chest rose and fell slowly. “I told you to go to the doctor.” I cried, tears trickling down my cheeks. A smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “Why are you smiling?!” I cried louder, “this isn’t funny!”   
  
“I love you.” I squeezed my eyes shut and cradled your head against my chest, “I love you…” you whispered again, your voice cracking slightly, “I love you.” I buried my face in your soft hair, tears soaking into the thin hazel locks.  
  
I was pushed out of the way as men dressed in white barged into the kitchen. Eeteuk pulled me into the lounge room out of their way. I watched in horror as they took you away, your drooping eyes watching me as the carried you past us all.   
  
You mouthed one final ‘I love you’.   
  
I mouthed it back.  
  
 _My breathing becomes difficult._  
  
You were gone.  
  
Just a memory now.   
  
The memory I will cherish the most. Because every moment I spent with you, was the most treasured. You were my best friend. You were my love. I loved you with my whole heart.  
  
 _Another day passes without you,_  
  
I sat on our bed, staring down at my hands, miserably. Eeteuk stood in the doorway watching me, his face full of concern. “He loved you, no matter what.” He said quietly, smiling slightly. I just nodded my head and lay down on the bed, turning away from him.   
  
_When dreams come I want to go find you,  
I want to follow you,   
Match your footsteps.  
I want to live_  
  
I dreamt of you again. It was when we were happy, when you weren’t sick.   
  
We were on the beach, the sun just setting. You were following some random footsteps in the sand. Grinning like and idiot as you jumped from one to the other. I followed you, my steps matching yours.   
  
In this dream I felt I could finally live again.  
  
I woke up, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I'm sick of always having these dreams, even though I get to see you again, I wish I didn’t have to. I would much rather see you in the flesh, healthy and happy.  
 _  
You know I do  
I do love you_  
  
I smiled as I picked up a picture of us. More memories filled my mind as I gazed at our happy smiling faces.  
  
 _Your tired image  
Your retreating silhouette _  
  
I remembered the last day I held you, your head resting in my lap, your tired eyes gazing up at me.  
  
 _Your eyes  
Your hands_  
  
I finally let a tear fall, remembering your smiling face, the last three words you said to me.  
  
 _I want to breathe looking into your eyes forever.  
I want to turn back time already._  
  
“I love you…”  
  
 _Every little piece of you…_  
I love you.


End file.
